By Will Thomas, author of The Managing Workload Pocketbook
Are we becoming happier? Not according to the 2007 UNICEF Child Well-being Survey conducted in 21 industrialised countries. The United Kingdom and USA came out bottom and penultimate, respectively, in an extensive study of child well-being. The study looked at 40 separate indicators of well-being from relative poverty and child safety to educational achievement, relationships and substance misuse. There is little disagreement that the factors affecting the outcome of the survey are complex and entangled, yet there are some common threads which experts see running through the outcomes. One of the main factors is “Relative Poverty”. The sense of being able to compare oneself to others more fortunate than ourselves seems to be a factor in generating dissatisfaction. In Britain and The US, wider gaps between the “haves” and the “have not’s” seems to be driving this.
In this article, which first appeared in the e-magazine Vision in 2007, we seek to explore what makes us happy and how we can have more happiness, more of the time.
A fundamental principle of the work we do at Vision for Learning is that rapport is essential for achievement and progression. This rapport can be both between people who are working to the common goals of growth and development, and also within ourselves in relation to what we a striving for, and what we really want. Some might argue that internal rapport is also about a relationship of openness and dialogue between that which is conscious and that which is unconscious, in our own minds. There are numerous definitions of happiness to draw on, and these range from the emotional to the analytical. Here are a couple to consider:
From the field of coaching:
Happiness is living in line with your values and developing resolution in those areas where there is conflict
Happiness is the absence of internal conflict
So what does it mean to be happy?
ACTIVITY
You might like to try this activity.
Consider a time when you have been happy, it may be now, a past moment, an experience or a period. Dependent upon your current state of mind you may need to block out contradictory self talk like “I can’t remember a time” and stay with the process of looking.
As you recall that event, moment, period, what were the features of it that caused you to choose to be happy?
Now relate these findings to the definitions of happiness above, which definitions fit your experience? What additional ways of defining happiness come to mind?
Tal Ben-Shahar, a positive psychologist from Harvard University suggests that happiness comes from: “not moving from one immediate gratification to the next, but purposeful, meaningful and fulfilling experience in life which feeds the emotional, the spiritual and the intellectual”. He goes on to suggest that “Happiness is mostly contingent in our state of mind brought about by our sense of purpose and direction”.
A useful analogy here is that true happiness is like the climate. In other words it’s generally stable, with a range of expected temperatures in your locality. Within that climate there is daily variable weather. The weather may even be extreme on occasion, but the climate as a whole remains with its average tolerances.
To what extent are we currently finding purpose, meaning and fulfilment in what we do? Thought-provoking stuff, and most useful in bringing us to tweak our lives in order that we find our true direction.
· Get clear about your purpose and direction
· Consider getting a coach or buddy to explore this further
· Do a values elicitation exercise at least once a year and more frequently if you are doing a lot of personal development work
· Review the match between values and your current circumstances regularly and bring yourself back in line by taking action
· Do something each day that moves you forward with your core purpose
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